“Mom, are you really Santa Claus?”
That’s what Tomas asked me one night this week as I was tucking him into bed.
“Well, uh, why do you ask that?” I replied. Uh-oh is what I thought. Here it comes … I’m going to have to decide now whether we keep this little story of the fat guy and the chimney going one more year, and what difference it will make if we do. Or don’t.
I was pretty mushy in my response — something about Santa and Mommy bringing him presents — but I’ve been thinking about it ever since.
How important is the idea of Santa Claus to kids, really? What about the actual, um, lie that someone comes and brings presents, or, worse, watches to see if you’ve been bad? And what does this story teach kids — and the rest of us — about giving, anyway? Tell me how you handled this inevitable question with your kids, how old they were, and what happened afterward. Another bedtime conversation is coming right up …
Responses to “Help! Santa’s in trouble.”
December 7th, 2006 at 6:51 am
Our friend Joe always says: “I’ve always believed in Santa Claus, and I’ve always gotten presents.”
Kind of a non-denial denial, but it works.
At least we don’t have the Santa version from the Netherlands — the one humorist David Sedaris writes about — who threatens to beat bad kids with a stick and stuff them in a sack. That would be an entirely different conversation!
December 7th, 2006 at 6:09 pm
If I’m not mistaken, Santa in the Netherlands arrives with 6-8 black men who will only “pretend” to kick you if you’re bad…
December 8th, 2006 at 9:57 am
The whole Santa-scenario just adds to the magic of Christmas. I think that as long as your children remember the real meaning of Christmas, whether or not they believe in Santa is irrelevant. I recommend taking your child to volunteer at a soup kitchen, or to shop for less fortunate children through one of the many charitable organizations out there. Once he/she sees that they can personally make a difference in a child’s life, they will focus less on Santa, and more on the spirit of the holidays.
December 12th, 2006 at 6:27 am
My grandmother’s belief was that if a child was old enough to ask, he was old enough to be told the truth. Oddly enough, I disbelieved in the Tooth Fairy first, years before I extrapolated the theory to Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny.
My husband and I have never had to deal with this (our foster daughter was in her teens when she came to us) but we’ve discussed it. We have no easy answers.
On principle, it seems ugly to lie to children. It teaches them to lie; and it teaches them that adults are liars. It seems bad to me to teach them to believe in an obviously fictional character - if they get too old for Santa Claus, will they decide they are also too old for God? Plus, there’s the issue of Santa not bringing the same toys to poor children; and the issue of the children not learning to be grateful to their parents for their presents. Ethically, it seems bad all around.
But emotionally! I remember lying in bed watching the clock on Christmas morning, waiting for it to be late enough that my parents wouldn’t kill me for waking them. I do believe there is real “magic” in the world - and it doesn’t seem bad to encourage it a little by pretending. I also wouldn’t want my child to be the snippy child on the playground who tells all the other children there’s really no Santa. Everyone hates that kid!
It seems to me the only way I can justify it is the way C.S, Lewis justifies Aslan in the Narnia: rather than getting “too old” for Santa, children grow old enough to know the real Santa, the true bringer of gifts on Christmas.
January 5th, 2007 at 11:06 am
Very Well put, Allie.
Thanks for your comments.
This reminds me of the story, “Yes Virginia, there is a Santa Claus.”
I don’t remember ever really believing that Santa really came into our house at midnight to leave toys. I had too many questions from the beginning about hearing him, how he’d get in, how he’d deliver to every good child at midnight. But, I knew that when morning came I would have a big surprise waiting for me. Santa may not be one man. But, I still do believe in Santa Claus.
I can’t tell my child that Santa does not exist, because he once did. If you research the history, you will find that St. Nick started this tradition of giving on Christmas. We celebrate the gift of Christ on Christmas. Therefore, we exchange gifts to bring a smile to someone else. When my son is old enough to ask if there really is a Santa, I will explain to him that he too is Santa. Santa lives in us all. Then will be the time to teach him to donate to the Angel Tree, give to the Goodwill, share a smile with someone who needs one. Only then will he be old enough to understand the TRUE meaning of the REAL Santa Claus.
December 6th, 2006 at 11:43 am
My 8-yr-old has been trying to pin us down about whether we “really” buy all the presents. I put the ball in her court and said with a concerned frown, “Do you think you’re too old for Santa Claus to come this year?”
She panicked and backed off–at least for now. I bet she’ll hedge her bets for at least one more year.