Mary Winkler goes on trial April 9.
The pastor’s wife from Selmer stands accused of shooting her husband in the back. As the trial unfolds, we’ll learn more about the couple’s real lives. Things are never as they appear.
And that brings me to today’s topic: the pressure put on preacher’s spouses. If you’re married to a member of the clergy, you know what I mean. The constant pressure to do more, give more, be more. If you’re in the congregation, you’ve seen the demands. Maybe you’ve made them.
My mother-in-law was a preacher’s wife. She was as close to a saint as I think I’ll ever know. She gritted her teeth — a lot. She gave up her husband — a lot. And she opened her home 24/7.
I can imagine Mary Winkler living in her church parsonage feeling alone and criticized.
Should that be enough to excuse her?
How does your congregation treat your preacher’s spouse?
And if you’re a preacher’s spouse, do you relate to Mary Winkler?
(Posted by Guest Diva Carolyn McAtee Cerbin)
Responses to “Guest Diva: Do you relate to Mary Winkler?”
March 16th, 2007 at 2:00 pm
What bothers me is the allegation of physical abuse of Mary Winkler by her preacher husband. If true, Mary should have simply divorced her husband, instead of shooting him. Her children deserved better than that. How much credibility can we give that Mary Winkler was a “battered woman?” Does anybody out there have any evidence of this?
March 22nd, 2007 at 11:36 am
Phillip Stephenson is obviously not a member of the Church of Christ. There is a culture in that church that abhors divorce to the point that a divorced person is practically shunned. Forced to live in such narrow bands of toleration can drive even the most centered person around the bend. I definitely think that Mary Winkler was abused, physically and mentally by her preacher husband. What she did was wrong, yes, but there was probably no one that she could turn to for help.
March 22nd, 2007 at 4:02 pm
I don’t pretend to know Mary Winkler and her circumstances but I do know that women (and men) can be so psychologically abused by a spouse (whether he’s a preacher or not) that they’re left without the ability to make a rational decision to leave. I have watched someone I love go from being a take-charge dynamic woman to becoming one who could barely pick out a pair of socks, all because she was constantly belittled by her husband. Everyone of us knows a woman like this and if this teaches us anything, let it be to reach out to these women — they’re not that hard to spot.
March 23rd, 2007 at 12:28 pm
Murder is bad, m’kay? There’s a reason it’s illegal, so people won’t use it as a way to solve problems. I understand the effects of abuse and depression and how they cloud the thinking process, but no, it doesn’t excuse her, period.
Nevertheless, I do feel sympathy for her. I believe that her husband was abusive. My reason for believing her isn’t logical; it’s a purely instinctive reaction to her photos and photos of her husband. In my experience, a certain type of abusive man picks out a woman much less attractive than himself. She feels “lucky” to get a man “out of her league” and he isn’t shy about holding this over her head. Her life is shortly afterward filled with charming comments like, “Who else would want you?” and she’s conditioned to believe them because really, before the abuser came along, nobody much did want her.
I know I’m reading a lot into a situation that could be very different, but that’s the feeling I get from the pictures and the information I’ve heard, which indicates that Mary Winkler wasn’t exactly a sparkling personality either - not the sort of person who’s the popular girl at school who likes throwing parties. She was awkward and not at all suited to be a preacher’s wife. It’s easy for me to imagine that her husband married her because she was easy to push around.
March 16th, 2007 at 12:48 pm
An ex-beau of mine (since married) recently told me he wants to be a full-time minister - and my immediate thought was - His poor wife.
I truly don’t see how “first ladies” as pastors’ wives, do it. I think they probably need to have the same “calling” on their life as their husbands do.
But here’s another thought: I wonder if first men - the husbands of female pastors - feel the same pressures. I’d guess not; first ladies have to be models of decorum and hospitality and understanding in part because that’s part of the traditional female role.