In all of the discussion about Elizabeth Edwards’s breast cancer recurrence, I kept waiting to hear what women who’d faced a metastasis of their original cancer, just like Elizabeth, had to say, what they thought of the choices she’s made.
And waited, and waited.
So today my column contains the thoughts of those women, many of whom have faced disease much more advanced than Elizabeth’s. Luane Semos’s story really touched me (that’s Luane on the left in the picture). She had been undergoing fertility treatments when, at 34, she had her first diagnosis …
then a year later the cancer came back, and it was in her bones. She did chemo, and eventually a stem cell transplant at M.D. Anderson in Houston. That was 1997, and she said she basically put her dream of having a child out of her mind, figuring she didn’t want to put a kid through whatever health disaster might happen to her. But by 2001, she’d changed her mind, and her beautiful girl — she chokes up when she tells about Rachel, now 5 — is the light of her life. She no longer worries about being around for her daughter, and here’s the quote that gets me every time: “How could this (adoption) have happened if I wasn’t meant to be there for her?”
The bottom line is that all of this moaning about Elizabeth needing to spend her “last days” doing something other than what she’d planned doesn’t square with what these amazing cancer survivors had to say. And Ellen Goodman is right: It doesn’t get more real than this, even in the stage-managed world of national politics.
Are you a breast cancer survivor, or do you know someone who is? Tell your — or her — story below. And let’s keep it real. It’s way too important not to.
An update, March 30 — The complete phone number for Flying Colors is 901-682-3916. And to find Pat McRee’s “unbook” of terrific advice and support for cancer survivors, click here.
Responses to “Wisdom from the survivors.”
March 29th, 2007 at 5:13 pm
Leanne, You definitely made the right choice in “going to the source” with the survivors at Flying Colors. The FC women are verbal, intelligent, thoughtful, and not shy about sharing their cancer journey stories. As you wrote, they’ve all been there, and you captured the essential heart and soul of this group. Many of my closest survivor friends are from this group, and I cherish them all, especially the inimitable Pat McRee. But whatever breast cancer journey a woman faces, her most important decision is whether and how to allow that cancer to define the rest of her life. While we are all survivors from the day of diagnosis until our last day of life, some choose to become a survivor first and foremost. Others allow cancer to play only a small role in their life — they deal with it and get it out of the way. The FC women and others like them recognize the significance of breast cancer in their lives, accept that it will ALWAYS be a part of their life, and then find their own best path for walking with cancer each of their remaining days. Elizabeth Edwards has chosen this option, and whether we agree or not (I DO!), it is her inalienable right to make that choice. I applaud the honesty she and her husband showed in sharing this news so publicly. They and their family need prayers from all of us, as do all the women facing a similar journey.
PS: I am a 10-year survivor, and could be a poster child for the importance of early detection in saving lives. And I live with the knowledge that each day a recurrence is possible.
March 29th, 2007 at 9:21 pm
Wow, Leanne, you really captured the energy of the survivor group. Thanks for helping get the story out that the way to handle/beat cancer is to “LIVE”. I want women to know that they should learn about breast cancer if they are diagnosed and challenge their doctors and find the right fit. If your doctor is treating you like a victim with just so much time left - LEAVE HIM/HER. Find someone who will treat a survivor.
March 30th, 2007 at 4:51 am
Leanne, Thank you so much for the wonderful article on cancer
survivors. Please feel free to join us at Flying Colors whenever you can.
March 30th, 2007 at 9:55 am
Dear Diva:
Pat McRee was the first person I called when I knew I had a breast mass. She came over to give me a hug and left me her book. I read it four times that night as I tried to grasp my new reality.
That was last October, Monday on 4/2 I will have my last chemo treatment, then surgery, then radiation. I have continued to ride my horse, cycle, lift weights, volunteer at church, and all of my normal activities for the most part.
I can tell you with certainty that your hip size seems to increase by two when you look in the mirror with your newly bald head. Wigs ain’t all that bad, either. Also, the word cancer & chemo sent the cooking divas at my son’s school and my church into an automatic cooking overdrive that is still happening!!!!
Seriously, I was a nurse in another life and I believe that our generation of cancer patients may have more recurrences. Simply because cancer is more treatable. Years past, people died before getting to any treatment.
My new reality is filled with a new depth , more hugs , laughter� “last call for Taxol” (my current drug ) Somehow the Edwards campaign did not get this across. I wish she would blog, journal or do something to reach out as she goes through this. That would be fascinating. Tony Snow seems more thoughtful to me in how he has managed the media. However, it isn’t just these high profile people, every week I hear of someone who is having a recurrence. A woman in my cycling class is, a woman I met in treatment did … she stopped her fight two weeks ago.
I think that is why the term Survivor is so great, much more descriptive than cured or incurable. My husband John ( by the way CEO of Memphis Regional Chamber of Commerce) reminds me often that I am beautiful and one of the millions of breast cancer survivors out there. We are not that stereotypical patient ,thin and vomiting at home. We are for the most part busy people, with a lot of appointments who have gotten a wake up call about how great this life is. High Profile survivors can do a lot both to educate the public and to reach out to the rest of us. I hope Elizabeth has some support group where she can be just another person and not her public one. There are days where you do cry, and days when you ARE tired. That is when you need that support system, hugs, dinners or just a really good joke.
If you’d like to come and see my last treatment. I’ll be at West Clinic for most of the morning and early afternoon on Monday 4/2. Or, you might have more fun (and burn calories) at my cycling class!!
Two of my favorite memories since October … my little dachshund licking the top of my bald head. My mail lady giving me a huge hug in the driveway when she saw my head, she said I was evidence of God’s healing power.
And…I am.
April 1st, 2007 at 8:31 pm
Thanks for the great article, sharing the stories of those wonderful women. As a 5 year survivor, there are a few tips that I learned during this journey which I would like to pass along to the newly diagnosed: *Remember that you are a survivor from the day you are diagnosed. *Learn to ask for help, even if that is the hardest thing you have to learn to do. *Join a support group, because only a cancer survivor REALLy knows what you are going through. Flying Colors is the most wonderful group I ever was involved in. They certainly saved my mental health. Flying Colors is where I learned to laugh again. *Take charge of your medical care, and change doctors, if the one you have will not accept that you are an intelligent human being. * Laugh often, love life, and be well. *And remember that hair is really overrated. Wearing a tatoo of the breast cancer ribbon on the back of the head works just as well. 
March 29th, 2007 at 12:37 pm
You captured the stories of these amazing women so well, Leanne. All of us at Flying Colors would love it if everyone out there would post stories here of how they or someone they love did cancer “their way”. And we’d love it if they would call or email us for The Mid-South’s Most Inspiring Survivor nomination forms. On National Cancer Survivors Day we’ll name the winner! I imagine he or she read today’s article and felt a kinship with these women.
And there’s always room at Flying Colors for new faces. We believe in living more, loving more and laughing more after cancer…Won’t you join us?