If you saw my column in The CA yesterday, you know that one of my best friends is moving, and I’m having a really hard time with it. The going-away party at her house was just what she wanted — lots of friends, relaxed, fun — but it was over way too fast. As I predicted, I sobbed all the way home. And am still teary this morning.
All day yesterday, women I met (at church, at Starbucks) were telling me about their best friends and how much they love them — one told me about being so deep in conversation that she walked away from a McDonald’s restaurant and LEFT HER PURSE there! And another, facing a significant birthday, hit the road with her girlfriends for a weekend of antiquing in the Delta.
How do you keep in touch with far-flung friends? And how long will this hole-in-my-heart feeling last?
Responses to “I was right, it was awful.”
June 25th, 2007 at 10:08 pm
My son and I both went through this experience a few years ago. He met Preston the first day of kindergarten, and they became best buds fast. Preston’s mom and I got to know each other a little more slowly, but a family crisis brought us closer in a hurry. When she decided that she needed to go back home to Florida, my son and I both cried.
The last few months they were in Memphis, we spent a lot of time with them, and sent them on the road with care packages of special memories, homemade CDs of favorite music and all their favorite snacks. When they pulled away from our house, my son and I went inside and hugged each other and cried.
We’ve e-mailed — a lot at first, less now — and hooked up at Disney World a couple of years ago. We’re hoping to coordinate a beach vacation. Even though we don’t talk/write as much as we used to, when we do, it’s like no time has passed. The boys are like that, too. I know she’s there if I need her, and I’ll always be here for her.
June 26th, 2007 at 8:02 am
I have a “Mary” whole in my heart. Who would have thought to find a new best friend in my late fifties? Not sure what it is about choir friends, but Mary being an alto,,,that just sealed the deal.
We swam, laughed — and finally cried together. She died two years and I still miss her…every day.
June 26th, 2007 at 2:46 pm
I will have been back in Memphis for a year in July and that hole-in-my-heart feeling is still there, as fresh as the day I drove away, tears streaming down my face, from my last lunch with my dear friend Heather. We talk when we can and at least once a month those talks end with a teary goodbye and a confession of how much we still miss one another. Connected by a mutual friend, we met for the first time for coffee when our daughters were just 3 months old and we hit it off right away and quickly began to spend more and more time together. We spent countless hours together at Mommy & Me swim classes, Music Friends class, Gymboree, drank at least 1000 cups of coffee at Starbucks and the Lake Anne coffeehouse, ate many lunches with the kiddos at Chick-Fil-A, made trips to the outlets in Leesburg when the girls were old enough for morning preschool, and this list could go on and on. We were (and still are) each others sounding board for so many dilemmas. I know I’ll never be able, or want, to replace her.
Not only are we close but so are our daughters. Born only 8 days apart they love each other as much as their moms do. My daughter still talks about and misses her best buddy Sophia and begs to go back to VA to visit her on a regular basis.
Even though I miss her terribly, I’m so glad I have her and would never want to give back a moment of my time with her. That hole in my heart is a reminder of a very special and irreplaceable friend.
June 26th, 2007 at 5:17 pm
Got this from Mary Anne in Germantown, who tells me she’s just marked three years here … without her pal:
Leanne,
Just finished reading your column and it hit home on so many levels as I too went through a similar ” separation ” from my dearest friend when I moved to Memphis 3 years ago. Your friendship here took root because you were close to each other and it was convenient for it to
grow. In fact just like the plants in a garden some grow great without “miracle grow” others require more. Your friendship is transitioning, no longer convenient to maintain, but one that must be worked on and tended too. It becomes a true friendship of choice. I was the displaced friend who moved to a new town. Your friend will
need you now more than ever, she won’t have familiar surroundings, know the names of the checkers at the food store, or have the first idea about the dates for registering her children for activities. She is fearful that you may loose touch forever, that is what happens to most long distance friendships, but the ones worth keeping, the ones that are true will stay. I am glad that my friend and I have kept our true friendship, while not there in person to wipe a tear we spend
countless hours when the house is quiet drinking a glass of wine on the phone , we solve each others problems and the world’s as well (George Bush is not a caller here so he wouldn’t know we got it figured out, perhaps we should have a 3 way call one day!). She travels here twice a year and I back to MD twice a year ( just got back last week ), I hate to fly but learned to adjust!. She is as important as ever in my life and no-one could say the distance has weakened our love for each other . Most people from my former town are shocked to see we are this close, but perhaps they have never had the friendship we shared and wanted to keep. If your friendship fades that is alright there are many women we meet along the way in life who are placed by God into it, and whose purpose is served. I wish you all the best, and remember, she will have the greatest loss as she becomes a stranger in her new town looking at new faces and wondering if that will be a new friend.
June 25th, 2007 at 1:32 pm
Please tell me how long the “hole in your heart feeling” will last. My bff Ernestine lost her battle with cancer in May,and I feel totally bereft. We could actually talk all night and did.I think of a hundred things a day that I need to call and tell her and when I remember that I can’t ever call her again it’s almost unbearable. People keep telling me she’s in a better place, but Lord knows I miss her in this place. We have been friends since we were kids and she knew and kept all my secrets. We were supposed to take a cruise in September and I didn’t think I could go…but maybe I will..maybe I’ll stroll and deck and see things thru her eyes and finally let her go. Maybe somday when I see two friends together, sharing secrets and smiles and talking I can look at them without tears streaming down my face and just remember all the joy that she brought into my life for so many years.