The note, from a friend of a friend with a brand-new baby, sounds pretty desperate: “I’m a little panicked, and wondering if any of you know of anyone I could hire to come in and help out. … Please don’t think I’m lame. How do single mothers do this????”
Ah, that wonderful, horrible, scary, amazing time just after your baby is born. I remember so well feeling one minute like I’d won the best prize ever and was the warrior-mom of the world, then the next feeling isolated, fat, ugly and incompetent. Usually within the same hour.
So maybe you don’t have any great leads on a baby nurse or nanny/helper, but what would you tell this new mom, to get her through these first weeks?
Aimee, mom of two, agrees that some of this sounds simple, but it “helps to be reiterated. Reach out to friends, to anyone, for help. Don’t be afraid to ask. Don’t be afraid to put the baby down in the bassinet, go to the bathroom, shut the door and take deep breaths. Eat a lot of takeout … your budget and waistline will recover. Go on walks, lots of them … fresh air does wonders. Go to the ‘new mommy meetings’ at whichever hospital you prefer; I have several friends who formed playgroups as a result. I think the hardest part for me, honestly, was that I thought I was the only one who had had a beautiful, healthy baby and felt isolated, alone and totally cut off from my former identity as a career person, friend, etc. I know I didn’t have post-partum depression … I had a good friend who was hospitalized with hers … just more the baby blues/life transition shock. And feeling like no one understands how hard it is to get the simplest things done. I remember being so proud the day I actually had time … and two free arms … to make my bed!
What is it that they say about raising kids? The days are long, but the years are too, too short.”
Responses to ““Please don’t think I’m lame.””
November 14th, 2007 at 2:01 pm
Sounds like she needs a doula. I found a link to some local doula services on the Mothersville website.
November 15th, 2007 at 1:47 pm
The best advice I received was “sleep when the baby sleeps.” This was from my mother-in-law after I threatened to throw my firstborn off the balcony. Don’t try to catch up on anything except your sleep when the baby is peaceful. You will then be better able to cope with it all when you both wake up. The mess will be there until your baby goes to college.
February 15th, 2008 at 2:44 pm
This is in response to Allie’s comment:
Thats because they are extinct. They are all pregnant/ single teen mothers now. They don’t even have time to sit with their own children let alone yours. It’s crazy how our society’s morals change.
All I can say is make friends with your neighbors, all of them had children at one point in time and know certain things that can help. My parents had neighbors come over all the time asking for help. My parents loved it too because they got to cuddle with the babies.
November 13th, 2007 at 4:09 pm
Sorry I can’t be more help, but I have a question, not an answer. What happened to teenage girls who babysit? They seem to be extinct.