Usually on Sundays I write a blog post about the column I wrote for the paper today, and call it good. But today I want to weigh in on Wendi Thomas’s last two Sunday columns, about the yawning gap between what black people and white people believe is true about racism and discrimination. (If you haven’t read them, here’s last week’s, headlined “Black people’s reality rebuffed,” and here’s a link to the follow up column, “Blacks, whites divided on issues of racism.”)
Yes, this is difficult discussion to have, and yes, I wish we didn’t have to keep having it. But as Wendi’s column today points out, recent research shows that quite a few black people don’t believe things for black people are getting better, and that we are discouragingly far apart in how we perceive discrimination, advantage, and daily life.
Why does this matter to you?
Because we live in a city that could be a crucible for understanding, reconciliation, and respect. Even if you try, it’s tough not to have contact with someone of the opposite race at least a few times during the day in Memphis. So why wouldn’t we use those opportunities to understand each other’s realities, and believe each other’s stories?
What does it cost me to hear more about what it was like for Wendi to be uninvited from a birthday party, the event she mentioned in one of her columns? What does it cost you to at least ask the woman who babysits your children or sits in the office next to yours what her life is like?
The answer: It costs you nothing, except to be willing to (maybe) hear stories you don’t want to hear, and feel connected — no, obligated — to keep trying to understand what her life is like. Who knows, maybe you’ll find out that you’re more alike than you ever could have imagined, and what you really don’t agree on isn’t racial at all.
When I first moved to Memphis nearly twenty years ago, I spent a lot of time trying to understand this difficult, infuriating, inspiring place. One of the people who left the deepest impression on me was Lucius Burch, the legendary attorney and civil rights activist. I don’t remember his exact words, but one day over lunch he opined that of course most white people in the South were racist. The question, he went on, is what we do once we figure that out.
Wendi’s plea, no matter how mad reading it in the newspaper it makes you, is to try to listen to her stories, and understand what it’s like to be her.
Really, how hard can that be?
Responses to “The realities of black and white.”
November 20th, 2007 at 3:58 pm
Well… there is discrimination. Lots of it. But it would be easier to agree with Wendi if she didn’t make her case so badly. It’s not self-evident that black people’s perception of the treatment of blacks is more accurate than white people’s. There are many, many obvious reasons why black people’s perception could be biased. Let’s say I apply to college and don’t get in. Which is more likely, that I’m going to blame myself, or that I’m going to look for another possibility? That’s not a racial thing, that’s a human nature thing.
To continue that example, who has the better perspective on why I didn’t get into college, me, or the person reviewing my application? Obviously the person reviewing the application is the one who knows the truth; I can only guess about why I didn’t get in.
There’s no “reality” involved here. There’s only perception. I think the perception is important, and I think all people should make a profound effort to understand what life looks like from the perspective of others. But perception isn’t reality. Reality may be very different. In my hypothetical above, the person reviewing my application may not even know my race (when I applied to college, it was against the rules to append a photo to the application just for this reason). Maybe my grades were good enough, but someone else’s were better. Or maybe the reviewer was discriminating purposefully. Or maybe the reviewer was discriminating without even being aware of it, because he has a racial bias he isn’t even aware of, and “Lakisha Williams” sounds less competent to his ears than “Alison Harrison.” The point is, whatever the case may be, I’m the last person in the world who has any way of knowing!
That’s why Wendi’s argument, which is that black people’s perspective is automatically the right one, is so weak. A better argument would be: This happened to me. Also this happened. And this happened to my friend. She made a very strong case with the story about the birthday party. I don’t think most white people would have imagined such a horrible thing happening to an innocent child, so casually.
We can’t - and shouldn’t - accept each other’s “realities.” But we can and should listen to each other’s stories.
November 21st, 2007 at 8:26 pm
“What does it cost you to at least ask the woman who babysits your children or sits in the office next to yours what her life is like?”
Here’s what it costs me: It costs me appearing very patronizing and somewhat stupid. You can find out what you ought to know (and isn’t none of your business) by engaging in normal conversations with people. “What is your life like?” sounds like an anthropological survey, especially if it’s “at least”, which implies that no other conversation has taken place.
To ask another question - What does it cost a person to assert that “most white people are racist?” It costs them risking shutting down a potentially beneficial conversation with a self-respecting white person. Ibedanged if I’d pursue that conversation. Life’s too short.
November 24th, 2007 at 8:12 pm
Factman, please tell me you’re being facetious. Big biz forgot your kind? Your kind OWNS big biz. Also, who the hell watches Montel anymore?
Allie, you make Wendi’s point for her.
All she’s asking is that white people acknowledge that they can’t possibly know what it’s like to be black, and to have to endure not just the isolated occurrences of prejudice that most people tend to experience in varied settings, but to have to endure the institutionalized racism that this country has thrived on since its inception.
It’s not that hard a thing to do, really. Just back down the defenses and say, “Yeah, okay. I can’t possibly get it. So I will listen and I will accept that I don’t know everything about what it’s like to be you and you and you.”
Wendi never said “black people’s perspective[s] [are] automatically the right one[s].” She just said that black people know what it’s like to be black, and get tired of having white people assume that they do too and that, shucks, it’s not all that bad.
Wendi, kudos for these columns.
December 31st, 2007 at 12:53 am
First off, Wendi does make alot of good points,however,not being black and trying to know what its like to be black would be the same thing as not being white and trying to see what it feels like to be white,or hispanic,or chinese.
I think the issues that Wendi brings up is mostly about black and white. I dont agree with this. This kind of mind frame is only contributing to the hate.
I read her article on celebrating Kawanzaa today in the Sunday paper. I was sickened that she attempted to try and make it accepting for “all” cultures when it originated only for the black culture in the 1960’s. Now,Why would you try and change its meaning and make it acceptable for ‘EVERYONE OF EVERY RACE’ when this was not its true intention? Christmas is a holiday that all americans recognize as an all race holiday and should remain that way. Stop trying to single out races Wendi. The true meaning of Kawanzaa was not intended for the “white” people so to me that is trying to single out a race. To become one is to be one. Recognize. Be Educated.
I will not submit myself or my family to a man made holiday that is only intended for one race,I will never recognize it as a holiday or a way to celebrate the birth of Jesus…oh,by the way..thats the true meaning of Christmas.
Wendi, I read your columns and hope that you will try and be an individual who speaks for individuals and not colors.
January 15th, 2008 at 8:08 am
diva’s…
I Googled for something completely different, but found your page…and have to say thanks. nice read….
November 19th, 2007 at 8:34 pm
Yes, I am a white male, remember any? I started my own business because I saw that big biz forgot my kind.
Maybe it was the Goverment Laws, or the fact white men work more then they SHOP. USA today had an article that “diversity” don’t do a thing for the bootom line. Hmm maybe Montel didnt say it so its NOT true.