I realize that the Tigers playing for the National Championship tonight may not be of all that much interest to the people who read here (*cough*women*cough*) but c’mon! Is there REALLY any other story in town today? These boys have made history with their 38-1 record and have brought so much pride and joy to a city that - let’s face it - can use a little esteem these days.

I was trying to think of a spin on this story - because I simply can’t think of any thing else today!!!!!1!! - that would interest us girls. But there are no photos of the boys in anything other than uniforms, so the fashion angle is out. They don’t wear make up so no critiques there. The only real hair story is the stars shaved into Doneal Mack’s hair and frankly, I kinda like them. So after the jump: THE GIRLFRIEND’S GUIDE TO THE NCAA CHAMPIONSHIP.

One of the reasons this is such a big dot deal is because no one thought we could do it. The Tigers are routinely disrespected by EVERYONE who has a voice and an opinion.

It’s like this: Imagine the entire American Idol season, everyone from the judges to the fans continually pelts Carrie Underwood with comments that were meant for William Hung. Even though she keeps winning, week after week, no one seems to notice that she’s really good! Now imagine her satisfaction and pure joy at making it to the finals despite the hate. That’s us.

We had to beat a lot of really good teams to make it to the finals. Teams with a pretty impressive tournament pedigree, like Michigan State, Texas and UCLA.

Imagine during that winning streak, Carrie had to go up against Kelly Clarkson one week, Chris Daughtry the next, then Mariah Carey, Beyonce and finally the entire original cast of RENT.

The tournament is single elimination, which means if you lose one game, you go home. Last team standing = Champion.

Like giving a potential new boyfriend 40 minutes to prove his worth. Everything is riding on that one performance. No second date. No follow-up call. Just one-and-done.

The NCAA tournament is a bracket of 64 teams set up with 16 teams in each of four pods. You hear a lot about “brackets” because people like to fill them out predicting how the tourney will play out. There may or may not be financial wagers involved.

Kinda like trying to Beat Beifuss at The Oscars.

Once you get past the first few rounds, they give them cutesy names. Like “Sweet Sixteen,” “Elite Eight” and “Final Four.”

Does this really need an explanation? Because it almost sounds like it was made up by a woman.  

This is the first time ever that all four #1’s made it to the Final Four. The 16 teams in each bracket are ranked from 1 to 16. Memphis was a #1 which is awesome in itself. 

This is completely unprecedented, kind of like choosing between a woman and an African-American for a presidential nominee.

All four teams that were in the Final Four wear blue. This is not really that important to the outcome of the game, and your significant other probably won’t care about it at all.

But WE care about what colors are big this season, don’t we ladies?  

We’re playing Kansas tonight in the Finals. They have won the national championship twice and have been to the Final Four 13 times. Thirteen! Memphis has been to the championship game only once, in 1970-something when we were beaten by UCLA.

This was back in the day of those tiiiiny little short shorts they used to wear! So cute!

The Kansas team is called the Jayhawks and their cheer goes “Rock Chalk Jayhawk!”

This is clearly the dumbest team cheer in the history of college sports. I have NO IDEA what it means. For that matter, WTH is a “jayhawk”??

Several of the Tigers have the names of their mothers or grandmothers tattooed on their neck.

Awww…what’s not to love about that??