A friend of mine just found out that her teenager is cutting.

Not like cutting classes. Like CUTTING. Her skin. With razor blades.

Cutting is a form of self-abuse, like anorexia. It affects 10 percent of American teenage girls. I knew the WHAT of cutting, but I had no idea of the WHY of it, so I started doing some research. Teens cut themselves for relief from bad feelings, emotional pain and pressure. Their coping skills are overpowered by emotions that are too intense. They cut to feel in control.

Cutting is sometimes associated with other mental health problems, such as depression, bipolar disorders, eating disorders, obsessive or compulsive behaviors, or drug or alcohol abuse. For some teens, it’s a way of “waking up” after a sense of numbness following a traumatic experience, such as abuse.

Most teens who cut aren’t attempting suicide. Cutting usually begins on impulse, not as a planned activity. “I never looked at it as anything that bad at first,” said Natalie, a high school junior who began cutting herself when she was in middle school. “It was just a way of getting my mind off something I felt really awful about.”

You know what I feel really awful about? That a young person would feel so bad about anything that she would feel the need to mutilate herself. That’s heartbreaking.

One of the first celebrities to go public with their cutting was Princess Diana. In a 1995 BBC interview, she said, “You have so much pain inside yourself that you try and hurt yourself on the outside because you want to help.” Diana cut herself with razors, a lemon slicer and once threw herself into a glass cabinet at one of the palaces.  

Like drugs and alcohol abuse, cutting can become habit-forming and compulsive. The more it’s done, the more it’s needed. And like addiction, you can’t force or threaten or plead your child into recovery. You need to find help for them.

Doctors give the following guidelines for dealing with your child who is cutting:

• Do not judge or blame
• Listen to your child - give them your full attention and really try to hear what they’re saying
• Find the best professional in the area who works with children who self-abuse
• Call a local support group
• Talk to your child’s pediatrician
• Offer your child guidance - not discipline or punishment

Watch for these signs of cutting in your teen:

• Scars
• Cuts, scratches and other wounds
• Keeping sharp objects on hand
• Spending a great deal of time alone
• Wearing long sleeves and pants, even in hot weather
• Claiming frequent accidents or mishaps (I hear ”The cat scratched me” and “I cut myself shaving” are common excuses)

Even though the problem is less common in boys, I talked to my son about this and told him about our friend. My husband’s first thought was that the girl was skipping school, but Elijah knew right away what I was talking about. Which worried me a bit but also reinforced that I definitely need to be talking to him about this. My philosophy is, talk to your kids about EVERYTHING. Throw enough stuff at the wall, eventually something will hit stick. Or however that adage goes.