I am currently going on my THIRD week of suffering from shingles, something I’ve never had before, and hope I never have again. It’s quite painful, and unfortunately the meds that make me feel best also make it nearly impossible for me to work, so I only take them at night. In short, I’m miserable.
But I’ve also been surprised at how culpable I feel. “You know, it’s caused by stress,” said one of my pals, helpfully. And yes, the past few months have been pretty intense, with my doing essentially four jobs (you’ve seen Skirt!, right?) for better or worse. Jeez, I keep wondering, did I bring this on myself?
Anyone who has lived in modern-day America knows there’s a huge (and probably helpful) strain of mind-body medicine. You know, the thinking that being good to yourself, taking care of yourself, doing enough exercise, yoga and eating leafy greens, can pretty much spare you from everything. And as a passionate yoga girl, I have to admit to being pretty sure I was doing as much as I could for myself. (Though I think this whole shingles thing actually started at a yoga reatreat, if you can believe it.)
But how much of our health can we really control? One of my favorite writers, the late, great Marjorie Williams, writes in her magnificent book, “The Woman at the Washington Zoo,” about her impending mortality from liver cancer, and is blunt in her assessment: Some people think that if you die of cancer, you must have done something wrong. Drank too much wine. Been unkind to your mother. I’m not remembering the particulars, but I certainly have thought of that a lot in these last days, as I try to ignore the burning pain down my left side, write something coherent, and keep life going for my husband and son.
I have many close friends who have struggled with disease that’s way worse than shingles, and who have taken control of their minds to the betterment of their bodies. And, as many of you know, I think faith is one of the strongest forces there is. I’m just having trouble seeing how it’s working for me.
Any advice? And if you’ve ever had shingles, how did you get them to GO AWAY?
Responses to “Getting sick is for losers.”
June 3rd, 2008 at 1:11 pm
Hang in there it does get better! Hope you are feeling better soon, and by the way you are doing a wonderful job! I totally love Skirt!
June 4th, 2008 at 12:25 pm
OK, yoga girl. Time to practice a little ahimsa (non-violence)toward yourself. It’s not about who or what is to blame for the shingles, but what lesson does the experience hold for you? Glad you have some good drugs to help you make it through the night, and hope you’re feeling better soon!
June 4th, 2008 at 6:40 pm
Hoo boy. Well, after they go away you can get the shot which will reduce the chance of them recurring. In fact I recommend all women get the shot.
My mom and I are both susceptible to them. She had them a lot when I was little and I get them because the meds I take for lupus knock out my immune system.
As far as faith goes, I like to read the psalms when I’m sick. They give me a feeling that some things are eternal… “My sores run,” he says. “My bones feel like they’re on fire.” Yep, been there, done that.
I’ve had mornings where my mantra was “I’m not dead yet!” It’s not a bad mantra. Just keep swimming and don’t worry how deep the water is.
June 4th, 2008 at 6:43 pm
By the way, a recent study of cancer patients found that those with a positive mental attitude did no better than those without. It may feel good to believe you can control your health, but past a certain point, you can’t. The upside of this is that you don’t have to blame yourself for being sick, or being depressed about it.
June 3rd, 2008 at 12:49 pm
My deepest sympathy as I am a shingles survivor. you cannot make them go away. just take the medicine and tolerate them until they disappear. and if your husband and son were ill and in pain, would you insist they work/go to school in the same old routine? why no, you would insist they rest until they get better. why do you think you are not worthy of the same respect? so get off your feet, rest, take your medicine (as prescribed) and you might recover a bit sooner.