In the midst of an otherwise wonderful weekend full of old friends, good football, beautiful weather and good food and drink, my friend Peggy got word from her kennel in Illinois that her 9-year-old dog had had a sudden heart attack, and was dead. It was a horrible jolt for her, and cast a shadow over the end of our weekend, though she did a good job of pretending she wasn’t thinking about her empty house, and the memories and dog toys awaiting her at home.

Peggy is one of my oldest friends, and she’s never been the confessional type. Even in the midst of some deep sorrows we’ve shared over the years, talking about her feelings doesn’t comes easily. You have to listen carefully. And here is what I heard this weekend: Her dogs give her an identity, and are the companionship she counts on now that her boys are grown and out of the house, and her hard-working husband regularly comes home late. My heart won’t soon forget her teary first reaction to Roy’s death: “He was my best friend!”

It’s interesting to watch some of our friends, whose children are older, and who are clearly moving into the next stage of their lives. Should they try to sell their lovely big home (near the Lake Michigan dog beach) for something smaller? What kind of work is Peggy meant to do, now that she has a master’s and more free time than ever? How do we define ourselves once our children no longer determine the shape of the day?

Of course, I am a few years away from this transition, and have a different kind of life. But with Roy’s passing, and thinking of Peggy’s big empty house, it sure makes me wonder how I’ll navigate it once the time comes for me. Are you ever ready for that kind of journey?

Sometimes you realize just how a bit of kindness and a bit of competence can change your life; have a look at my column Sunday for my latest example. As Christmas creeps ever closer, what’s the most recent random act of kindness that changed your life?

I was a victim this week.

I was trying to get my car washed. Sometimes I just go through the Exxon car wash – it’s convenient to my house and easy to use because I can just swipe my gas card to pay for it. But my car was pretty dirty. I probably should have taken it to one of those detailing shops because it was really dirty. So I thought I would take it to that really nice drive-through car wash across the street from the Exxon. At the BP station.

I pulled up to the entrance but the card reader wouldn’t read my BP card. I tried a couple times, then pulled around to the front of the gas station (sighing heavily. Soooo inconvenienced). Inside, I told the cashier that I was trying to get a car wash and it wouldn’t read my card (*flashes BP card around as visual aid*). She says, “We don’t have anything to do with the car wash.” I said, “So you can’t charge my gas card and give me a code?” I mean, that’s how they do it across the street at the Exxon. She says again, “We don’t have anything to do with the car wash.” Fine, I huff. I’ll just go across the street.

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Just got word that one of Memphis’s nicest guys, Thomas Boggs, died this morning. At 63, Thomas had done more living than most of us ever will, from his early rocker days with the Box Tops to his restaurant dynasty, which now includes the seven Huey’s locations, as well as partnerships in Folk’s Folly, Tsunami and the Half Shell. But the thing I’ll remember best about Thomas is how friendly and welcoming he was to a newbie Memphian back in the early 1990s, always willing to tell me who was connected to whom, how to reach them, and later, ready with a wave and a smile for my son whenever he saw us. I also admire him for sharing the wealth with his daughters, pictured here with him at Huey’s in a 2006 photo — (from left) Ashley Williams, Samantha Dean, and Lauren McHugh.

Godspeed, Thomas. We’ll miss you like hell.

Everything is different in my office today. This week we start out with a new team, because Friday was the last day for one of our long-time employees.

It’s easy to picture Alayna as the glue that held us all together. It’s because she has a personality that bridges the gaps of stress, ego and impatience. Alayna is eager to please, quick to laugh, and reminded us 40-somethings not to take ourselves too seriously.

It was time to let her go. Pushed out of the nest in an attempt to teach her to fly on her own. But when we told her that she would be missed, we really meant it. It’s just not the same around here without her.

Which makes me wonder: what do I contribute to the group dynamics? Am I working for the good of the team or for my own personal success? Am I a giver or a taker? A laugher or a sulker?

Do you think you bring out the best in others? What attributes do you have that make people glad you are part of their team?